After final week’s totally too mic’ed-up vasectomy journey with Gary, we’re completely jonesing to see how the Teen Mother OG crew can emotionally scar us this week. So with out additional ado—let’s CUT proper to it!
The episode begins off in Michigan, the place Cate and Tyler (and April) are visiting the “fancy” ultrasound joint to get a take a look at their future daughter, primarily to allow them to see if publicly declaring their distaste to have one other woman by some means made their spawn sprout some Butch-parts in a single day.
“Wait, are you positive that’s a foot?”
That is additionally the scene the place we regrettably study that Cate and Tyler plan to call their child “Tezlee,” which we will solely assume is being finished out of spite they now have for the unborn child as a result of she wasn’t a boy.
April’s face through the scene through which Tyler declares they’re naming the infant Tezlee is ABSOLUTELY PRICELESS! She simply has this look, type of like she simply took an enormous drink of a beer she forgot she had put out her ciggie in or some factor.
Now, April hasn’t precisely made the most effective selections in her life (see: the Butch Years), so if even she thinks one thing is a nasty concept, Cate and Ty should take heed to her.
Later, Tyler is greeted with a fresh-faced Butch throughout a FaceTime name from The ‘Hab. Butch has shed his facial fur, giving him a younger look.
“Look how clean your face and nose are!”
Tyler tells Butch that his subsequent grandkid (and janky name-tattoo) is on the best way and Butch is pumped. (In any case, he nonetheless has an open spot on his neck the place a “Tezlee” tat will match properly!)
Butch begins commending Cate for a way far she’s come within the final 9 months and Cate responds by leaping on the decision herself and warning Butch to not shave his face once more as a result of he appears bizarre.
Um…woman. You wore the identical drained zebra-print hoodie via most of Obama’s presidency. Let’s cease commenting on different individuals’s fashion decisions, we could?
Anyway, Tyler tells his dad he’s excited for him to go to quickly… after which he will get again to sketching stuff for his excessive trend youngsters’ line, Tierra Reign. We will solely assume that the toddler pants he’s drawing will quickly be a part of the corporate’s new “Tezlee” line?
Child Hole is shook.
Over in Tennessee, Maci and Taylor have already moved into their new residence. The couple has determined to intensify their new BEERbie Dream Home with a set of big wall “M” letters. (We will assume the opposite hallway accommodates the couple’s different treasured decorations, akin to Taylor’s beer cap assortment and Maci’s Spring Break 2011 Beer Bong Champ trophy.)
“That dern Mackenzie better not be thinkin’ one of these ‘M’ letters is for her! No sir!”
With Mackenzie about to expel The Spawn of Ryan any day now, Maci is busy understanding particulars with Jen and Larry to ensure Bentley could be current for the start. (That should scar the child for all times. Watching his child brother crawl out from Mackenzie’s loins might even be extra scary than seeing Gary get his vasectomy on the final episode!)
In fact, Ryan will solely be capable of watch his Oopsie Child come into the world by way of video chat, since he’s nonetheless in The ‘Hab. (Hopefully MTV had the decency to hire Teen Mom 2 star Barbara Evans to go into the delivery room and give Ryan a play-by-play of what’s happening. “Well Juh-nelle…I mean Ryan…ya can almost see tha head! Christ on a Cracka here he comes!”)
Taylor and Maci speak about how nice of an enormous brother Bentley is and Maci says she needs to ensure Bentley is as near Ryan’s new child as he’s to Maci and Taylor’s personal Posse of Oopsie Babies.
Subsequent, we head to Texas to listen to Bristol speak crap on her ex-husband Dakota. She’s taking Tripp to soccer follow and inspiring him to deal with the ever-loving crap out of the youngsters on the opposite group, even if it’s towards the principles. Tripp tells her he doesn’t need to do it, however Bristol insists that he get aggressive.
Tripp is actually the star of this scene. He seems to be SO OVER his mother, her automotive cameras and compelled discussions. We haven’t seen this degree of eye-rolling since Mackenzie gave Maci “The Letter” on the ‘Teen Mom’ Reunion a number of years again! (“It’s been 217 days, 1049 hours…”)
“You named me TRIPP. Haven’t I suffered enough?”
Bristol tells Tripp to not embarrass the household whereas he’s out on the sector. (In any case, he’s type of a Palin, and, as everyone knows, the Palins have by no means completed or stated something silly in public. Simply ask all these Alaskans who’re nonetheless making an attempt to see Russia from their home windows!)
In an try and create a narrative line for the cameras, Bristol asks Tripp if he’s bummed that Dakota isn’t his soccer coach anymore. Tripp doesn’t care. Bristol then asks him if he’s unhappy that he doesn’t actually have a relationship with Dakota anymore. Tripp doesn’t care. Bristol continues to prod the child, peppering him with questions on his emotions for Dakota. Tripp appears like he needs to throw himself out of the automotive and into shifting visitors.
He lastly screeches at his mother that he doesn’t need to have this dialog— particularly on-camera— and Bristol appears genuinely confused. How might anybody not need to bash Dakota on-camera!?
Subsequent, we head to California, the place Cory and Cheyenne have returned from their journey to Michigan simply in time for Cheyenne’s oddly-named sister’s child bathe. Cheyenne’s sister– R. Kelly Lint— has requested Cheyenne to be her child’s godmother and is planning to ask Cory to be the godfather.
“R” we ever going to seek out out what the “R” on this chick’s identify stands for? Significantly…that may’t be her actual identify…can it?
The subsequent day on the child bathe, the group wraps themselves in rest room paper (as you do) after which Cheyenne and Cory are formally introduced because the godparents to child “Baaz.”
What within the precise hell type of identify is Baaz? Perhaps “Tezlee” isn’t all that “baaz” of a reputation in any case…
Whenever you assume turning into godparents to a random child might make it easier to safe one other season of ‘Teen Mom OG’…
Over in Indiana, Amber — who has and all the time would be the epitome of excessive trend and sophistication– is sporting her best scorching pink bathrobe for a day of couch-lounging. (It have to be the someday of week she’s required to roll her physique out of bed, to be able to forestall getting mattress sores! Security first!)
Andrew can also be fairly the imaginative and prescient in terrycloth. Amber one way or the other manages to up the category degree by letting everybody understand how a lot Andrew is “sweatin’” in his gown. Nothing says “haute” fairly like proclamations of perspiration, am I proper?!
“You just want to look like a G,” she tells him.
“Let me rub this sweaty terrycloth on you, baby!”
Amber then tells Andrew that Leah has develop into self-conscious concerning the hair on her legs, so she and Kristina plan to show Leah to shave her legs. (Certainly Amber is all too excited to bust out these shiv-making expertise she picked up whereas in “gel.”)
In the meantime in Michigan, Cate is off horsin’ round whereas Tyler hangs out with a beardless Butch, who has simply arrived residence from rehab for a go to. Tyler admits to his dad that the child Catelynn is pregnant with is, certainly, an Oopsie Child. (I imply…is there actually another sort of child on this present?!)
Tyler oh-so-eloquently explains that a lure child was the last item he wanted so as to add to his depressing marriage.
“F**k no!” Tyler responds when Butch asks if the child was deliberate.
If solely there have been a way for these knuckleheads to stop getting knocked up! Oh…wait…
“I’m not going to bring no f**king innocent kid into this s**t,” he provides, utterly overlooking the truth that he and Cate are doing simply that.
When your son’s private drama has you eager for the quiet and carefree comforts of the half-way home.
Butch then probes Tyler on whether or not or not he thinks about different ladies and Tyler admits that he does, including that he needs the previous Cate from the early years of ‘Teen Mom,’ not the one who is consistently speaking about “boundaries and triggers” and shopping for remedy pigs and whatnot.
Again in Indiana, Amber and Andrew arrive at Gary and Kristina’s home for Shave Fest 2018. Amber has introduced an assortment of shaving merchandise (together with, however not restricted to, “gel”) for Leah. The women (and the MTV digital camera crew) then head to the bathe for a tutorial that Leah will 100 % deliver as much as her therapist at some point.
“A razor like this used to cost me a whole pack of cigarettes and six Jolly Ranchers in gel!”
In the meantime in Michigan, Tyler’s sister, Amber, has accompanied Butch on a visit residence from her respective ‘Hab to examine to ensure her youngsters are nonetheless alive.
I feel that’s good…
Through the go to, Butch and Cate slip away to have a heart-to-heart about their messy previous, together with these heartwarming 16 and Pregnant days, again when Butch was married to April, druggin’ it the hell up and rocking that well-known mullet.
“I miss the feeling of being able to swing my salt-n-pepper mane around!”
MTV then treats us to a throwback clip that reminds us why Butch’s apology tour is so very mandatory. He will get emotional and tells Cate he simply needs to make issues proper, realizing that he was an enormous crapnozzle for the majority of the time he’s recognized Cate.
Again at Baaz’s child bathe, Cheyenne and her pal Remy sit down to talk about Cory’s involvement in her life. Cheyenne tells Remy she is perhaps having extra critical emotions for Cory—aka the very same storyline these two have been serving up since their ‘Teen Mom OG’ debut.
“Did you guys really think I’d bring something new to the table this week?!”
(We might or might not have dozed off throughout this phase. If anybody asks, we have been outdoors feeding the remedy horses.)
Subsequent, we gallop again to Tennessee, the place Ryan and Mackenzie’s child, Jagger (JESUS GOD LEAH…) has lastly arrived. Regardless of the less-than-favorable state of affairs he’s been born into, everyone seems to be doing their greatest to (make like a ‘Teen Mom’ being pregnant check and) be constructive.
When Bentley will get again house, Maci and Taylor hearth off a spherical of questions concerning the child and ask Bentley if he needs extra siblings. To no shock, Bentley says no.
“Yeah, like you people could really control whether or not you have more babies…”
Again at Gary and Kristina’s home, the shaving celebration has virtually come to an finish. Very similar to Butch’s face, Leah’s legs at the moment are free from hair.
Amber tells Kristina it’s necessary that she be current for necessary moments in Leah’s life, particularly after not being there for the child prior to now. Kristina and Gary are on-board with together with Amber in particular moments, and Gary pretends he’s not simply agreeing as a result of Amber nonetheless has that razor in her hand.
Don’t fear Gary, this razor scene doesn’t finish in you sporting a padded jockstrap.
Again at Cate and Tyler’s home, the slop is being slung and Butch is simply giddy at the truth that everyone seems to be sitting down collectively to eat like a household. (Having everybody consuming collectively should have reminded Butch of the fond reminiscences he has of the jail chow corridor.)
Afterward, Tyler walks his mother and sister out to the automotive and the three speak about how Tyler and Cate are going to attempt dwelling individually.
“Hey Ty, can my kids come over to your house when you move out? It would be nice for them to stay at a place with electricity and running water for a change!”
Amber tells her brother she’s pleased with him for making such an enormous choice and never worrying about what individuals will say about it. Tyler says he’s not fearful about what others consider him, which is already fairly clear by the style decisions he makes.
“Oh I don’t care how I’m perceived. I’ll look like a complete prick head, guaranteed,
he says. “But that’s fine because I just know me so it’s like, I’m a prick, dick, insensitive, whatever you want to call it.”
Tyler’s mother says she’s anxious for the separation to be over so everybody will know whether or not Tyler and Cate plan to formally cut up or in the event that they’re going to remain collectively.
Will Child Tezlee be the poorly named string that holds Cate and Ty collectively?! We’ll have to attend and see…
Till subsequent time!
To learn The Ashley’s earlier ‘Teen Mom OG’ recap, click on right here!
Amber Portwood, April Baltierra, Bristol Palin, Butch Baltierra, Catelynn Lowell, Cheyenne Floyd, Cory Wharton, Dakota Meyer, Gary Shirley, Maci Bookout, Mackenzie Edwards, MTV, Ryan Edwards, Taylor McKinney, Teen Mother, Teen Mother OG, Teen Mother Recaps, Tyler Baltierra